unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- when the smiles have all but faded... i'm at my dad's house right now. he's at work, but he's supposed to check out something with my car later on when he gets home... these past couple of days i've been at my friend kristin's house. her brother is the captain of the JV hockey team and he's pretty good. he's got that whole chubby face, dark hair, cute smile goin on...=) but he's younger than me. his buddies are adorable too...especially ben. =) anyway, they were supposed to stay the night over at kristin's with nathan (her bro) but their mom changed her mind. but they are staying over at kristin's on thursday night...and so am i. =) man. i was doing a lot of thinking this weekend. i'm single right now. and i like it. i don't have to be tied down to one single guy. i can play the field and date around and flirt with any guy. do i really want a boyfriend? do i really want a husband?! to wake up next to that person everyday for the rest of my life? i mean, i'm already worried about having a dead-end job and getting nowhere in life. doing the same things, going the same places, seeing the same people, day after day. and to have 1 person that i'll be with...forever? maybe i'm overanalyzing. i'm sure once i find the right person that i truly love and WANT to spend the rest of my life with...this won't be a problem. but i can't worry about that now, hell, i don't even know what i want out of life. i don't know what i want to do. i don't know where i want to go in life. i'm off to college soon and i'm lost. i just don't know. some people i know have everything figured out for themselves. where they are going to college, what they're going to study, major in, etc. i don't know if i wish i was one of those people or not. they've got everything laid out for them on a platter. but things happen that you can't help. it may not end out just the way you want it to. but i at least want a little control over my life. right now, i feel like i have none. i don't know where i'm going to end up. or even if i'm worth anything at all. 2:58 p.m. - March 19, 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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