unafraid's Diaryland Diary

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and i hope to god i figure out what's wrong.

song of the day: "4 am" [Our Lady Peace]

Everywhere i have driven today, this song has been on repeat. i can't get enough of it. it sort of describes everything for me right now. so, i'm addicted to it.

ahh..i hear the garage door. mom's home. i really don't want to see her right now. all we've been doing lately is arguing. she realizes that i'm stressed but she doesn't understand why. she thinks she does, but she's wrong. she yells at me for her faults. maybe she thinks we're closer and more alike than we really are. we are close, but not as close as some kids and their mothers. i'm not one of those people who can tell their parents everything. i can't talk to my mom about my problems b/c more than likely she won't understand and think it's no big deal. like yesterday, when i was upset, she forced me to talk to her but i couldn't. i'm just stressed about everything at once and she thinks it's just about school and moving. it's not. "i know what you're going through." she says. she doesn't know how i feel. we're stressed on two completely different levels. she thinks that i can just cheer up. she expects me too. it's almost like she gets mad at me for being like this. i hate saying 'depressed', but i don't know what else to call it. well, we all experience it at one time or another. i just can't talk to her about it. she understands less than i do. but enough bitching about her lack of understanding.

i need to get offline. i don't know what else there is to do around here, but i'm sure i'll find something. probably making myself fat or staring at a wall, or possibly even going to my room - listening to 4 am some more and just writing. more.

6:12 p.m. - March 20, 2001

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