unafraid's Diaryland Diary

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every wednesday it hits my brain

Another day is here and i've already begun my daily cycle of "4 Am" over and over. Although, later on, i put in Marvelous 3 to at least try to cheer up.

i took the advice of a friend and asked my mom about the cost of a therapist. she said my dad's insurance would take care of and asked why i wanted to know. i just looked down at the table and said i just thought maybe it would be a good idea. she told me that she just thought it was stress because everything around me is changing so much. i go from living this (almost) simple life to graduating, moving, college, leaving my mom...i don't think it's just stress anymore, i tell her. and i almost start to cry again in the middle of the restraunt. but i change the subject and we leave to go back to her office so i can get my car and go home.

and of course i listen to "4 am" in the car and try to hold it all in. i've been crying so much lately that i'm getting sick of it. and i'm sure everyone else is too.

but on the way to pick up a friend (who wasn't home anyway), i passed 2 little girls on the side of the road selling lemonade and it makes me smile.

but now i'm back at home and i need to go back to pick up my friend so we can go searching for jobs. what fun.

later.

2:11 p.m. - March 21, 2001

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