unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- can't stop thinking about that night... I'm trying really hard not to dwell on what happened the other night with Scott too much, but it seems impossible. I talked about it with Matt who also knows scott and he thinks it was totally wrong. but still i feel like i might have lead him on. i wore perfum and a low cut tshirt. did i give off the wrong impression? or did he think that because we both knew he was my main connection to ever even possibly getting a job with Columbia or Sony that i'd let him do whatever? who knows. i'm so confused right now, i don't know what to think. it's like sometimes i think i'm just blowing things out of proportion and then other times i think that he took advantage of me. maybe it shouldn't even be driving me this crazy. maybe it's not such a big deal after all. maybe i DID give off the wrong impression. i flirted. did he think i was prepared to do something with him like that? these are just a few thoughts that have been running through my brain for the past 24 hours. and every time i run it through my head like a movie, my stomach does this weird flip thing that i don't like. and while driving home today from work i just got this feeling that i really wanted to talk to my mom about it. but she'd probably kill me. he's much older than me and i probably put too much trust into him. but anyway, i thought about telling her and her comforting me and of course, i started crying. it was the first time i had actually cried about the situation. i really miss my mom too. she's not there for me to talk to. god, i miss her. 1:26 a.m. - June 21, 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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