unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- what do i have to do? these last few days all have been seeming to revolve around one person in my life. but that's okay because soon, that person will be pretty far away for quite a while. everyday, jiten has either called me or come up to my work so we could hang out afterward. i'm dreading the day he leaves for college but it's almost here. sure, he'll come back and visit and i'll go visit him a lot..but it'll be hard not seeing him or hearing his voice everyday. i think it just hit me today as we were sitting in my room alone, listening to music. in the near future, i won't be able to do that. i won't be able to call him up and say "hey, let's go out to eat or something". and worst of all...i won't be able to go over to his house all night long and just be able to know that he's there. although, it seems that every night i spend with him at his house, i just want to kiss him so bad. i know he wouldn't approve because he'd say it would just make things harder....but i just miss feeling that chill go through me everytime he touches his lips to mine. everytime i feel his hands in my hair. everytime -- i get lost. anyway, i better not continue on this path, or it'll only get worse. he'll be so far away soon. and nothing is working out the way i wanted it to. but maybe it is for him...UGH. no i can't jump to conclusions like that. even though my mind really wants to. it's just everytime we're alone...i want to be a part of him again. i miss being close to him like that. i miss him looking at me the way he used to and i miss hearing all the things he used to say that would give me butterflies. i miss everything about the way we were. i felt total happiness when we were together. knowing that i was his and he was mine. finally. after a year of waiting for him to come around. now he's leaving and there's nothing i can do. he'll be gone and i'm left here...alone, still dreaming of something i can't have. i always wondered if i liked him more than he liked me, and i think i did. if he liked me as much as i liked him...he wouldn't be doing this to me. it would be harder. i thought we would be together so much longer than this. no matter how far apart in distance we were. i don't know how much more of this i can stand. i don't know if it'll get worse or better when he leaves. i guess we'll see. this is just NOT the way i pictured us at all. i just can't do this anymore. 11:10 p.m. - Aug. 15, 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||