unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- come on and kick me today was the first time that 5 little (but horrible) words popped into my head without any sort of hesitation. "i wish i were dead." after i thought them, it sort of suprised me, but made sense at the same time. there's so much stuff i've been dealing with lately in the past month that it only seemed like an easy way out. not that i would actually do it though. i would never even attempt it, i know. but it just startled me how easily this came to me as a solution. i am in terrible debt right now and don't see any light at the end of the tunnel for that. i can't decide what to do about work. i need more hours and better pay, which i am getting soon, but still...will it be enough? and ever since my split with jiten...well i don't think i should get into that. i won't be able to make myself shut up. there's just times when i feel so overloaded with everything and so pushed aside and so...trapped - i just don't think i'll be able to handle it all. i just want to cut myself off from the rest of the world for a while so i can breathe. anyway, this weekend i will be dividing my time between my mom, jiten, and work. i've already spent all of friday with my mom. i will spend most of saturday at work (maybe time with jiten afterwards) and then sunday i'm sure i'll be able to spend lots of time with jiten. so all should be good. i'm looking forward to it. =) anyway, i think i'm going to go to the kitchen and find something to pig out on as usual. haha stupid me. later! 12:21 am - Aug. 31, 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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