unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- stop yer bitchin... boredom sets in... lindsay and i are supposed to go out to eat tonight with jason. well, jason was supposed to bring his friend, but apparently jason now thinks his friend will flirt with lindsay as well so he's not bringing him. that's cool. jason may not even come tonight because..well, i don't know why. anywho. why do i feel like a bad kid? i don't do much with my parents anymore. i don't pay them for my car insurance anymore - even though i still remember about it, but they never "remind" me. that's kind of taking advantage of them, don't you think? and i never call my mom anymore like i should. she lives in a different state than i do and i know it's really hard on her. for some reason...it's not that hard on me. i mean, sure - somedays are really tough and i just wish i could talk to her and just have that comfort that she always gives me. but i'm always off working or out with friends...i just do my own thing. and i know she hates it. it's really hard for her and i feel really bad that it's harder for her than it is for me. plus, she gets on to me a lot because i don't really keep in touch with my other relatives or friends that live farther away. like kristin. i'm really bad at keeping in touch with her. i mean, i think that we have drifted apart and i hate that. i hate losing friends. we used to be really close too. it's just that she's got her own life now and so do i. we live in different cities, i don't go to school anymore with her, she's got a job now, we've got different friends...of different age groups...it's just hard. i still love her though and i still care about her. i think it was bound to happen sometime though. although, i was afraid it would. and now, i've let it happen. same thing happened with lauren. i know that we've drifted. and that really sucks because me and her were like the same person. we have so many memories and great times. i still love her to little peices though. it's just that we've kind of gone our separate ways as well too. once again, i've let us drift. i thought i was good at keeping contacts, but i guess i'm really not. that sucks. anywho, enough dwelling on my faults. i'm supposed to go out tonight with lindsay. wait, i already mentioned that. yeah. i hope i do. jason is supposed to come and he's supposed to bring a friend. i kinda hope he does. i mean, i don't want to be jumping into another relationship or anything...i'm just curious. that's all. there's so many fish in the sea. why not meet a handful or so? doesn't mean i'm going to start liking them or hitting on them or even going to go make out with them because they are of the male persuasion. i know what you're thinking jeff so stop it! =) even if it is true to a small point....can't you have just a little faith in me? why can't i swear off guys forever? (no, not turn lesbian. sorry.) i just wish i could be one of those girls who puts up her wall and protects her heart. i just don't have it in me because i'm too fucking boy-crazy and i just want to connect with someone. i want to know that there is someone out there who'll love me for who i am and support me...and pay for me. haha just kidding. i just don't want to feel unwanted anymore. there's always someone better out there for the guy i happen to be dating. they all go for some other chick. am i just a last resort? 5:55 pm - Nov. 29, 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||