unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- if you're wrong for me, then i don't know what's right. i don't think i was meant to think this much. but somehow, reed forces me to. not intentionally, of course. from songwriting to eating habits...we discuss it all. of course i just sit there, nod occassionally, and take it all in. but the more he talks, the more interested i become. the more interested i become, the more i want to tell him. and the more i want to tell him, the more i am afraid to say. have i said all that i wanted to? nope. have i even begun? maybe. i try to say everything that's on my mind, but the more of an impact i want to make on him, the more i stumble over my words. i just want to tell him everything, you know? but instead i only end up saying to you people in diaryland. are you annoyed? i would be. so why can't i just vent all of this on him instead? ha! when i start to talk to him and try to explain myself to him...i just forget. he'll be just staring at me...listening like he really cares about what i'm saying. and it scares me. he seems to know exactly what to say without having to plan it all out like i do. haha. me, on the other hand...i think about these things way in advance. "how am i going to phrase this?" or "if i said this, would he see something more in me?". dumb, i know. today he was talking about how "90% of the people in your life are wrong for you." probably meaning dating-wise. we've already discussed the "girls are evil." issue numerous times. and now he's been talking about how love is confining. like it's a closure sort of thing. i only wish i could change his mind. but even though i would LOVE for us to get together someday...i do not see this happening. he is single and completely happy with it. it's his choice, in fact. and there's probably nothing i could do to change his mind. but you know...as long as he's in my life for now, right? i could have never met him at all. then where would i be? how would i find out about all these issues that i normally do not think about. today, reed told me that i should write a journal or book on him. it was a joke, but i probably could. i don't really know anyone that thinks as much as he does. i think A LOT, but it's not about the worldly topics that he considers day to day. in his car...at work...washing the friggin' dishes. he thinks more than anyone i know. like i said, i think a lot as well...but lately it's only been of him. and i know that must sound cheesy. i mean, here i am rambling about him like there was no tomorrow. there's just so much i could say about him. the things he shares with me, his viewpoints, his theories. we'll see. whether i'll actually try and write everything i've learned from him on paper or not....we'll see. hell, i've got the time. 6:39 pm - Dec. 08, 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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