unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- how i wish i had a sylvia plath... so i just got home from driving around. i went all around the different streets of arlington and just...explored. haha. hoping that i wouldn't get lost, of course. i almost did. anyway, i just did a lot of thinking and stuff. then Drew called me. we start talking and stuff and he proceeds to tell me how "cute and fascinating and amazing" i am. hard to believe, i know. so he wants to come see me again and he asks me how i feel about that. if i want to see him again. i really don't know how i feel about that. i mean...i met him on the internet. yes, we did meet in person but i don't know if it was a good idea or not. now he says he really likes me and wants to see me more. i don't know what to tell him. it's like anytime a guy shows interest in me, i back away. i'm a tard, i know. i don't understand it and i don't know how to fix it. of course, there are those boys that i like that i cannot have. but when they like me, i am like "nope. not interested. sorry." so now, here's drew. a genuinly nice guy. kinda cute. sweet. funny. etc. etc. he wants to "be" with me, he says. it just kinda scares me, ya know? i don't know why. anyway, he asked me tonight if i wanted to see him again and i hesitated. and he's like "you have to be honest with me. did you say yes b/c you really want to or b/c you didn't want to hurt my feelings." i told him that it was a mixture of things. like the way i back away from relationships (even though i won't shut up about how miserable i am without one), and that my parents would not go for me and a guy from the internet and how he lives in houston, etc. so then he's like "well. i don't really know what to say to that. so i'm just gonna go to bed now. i need sleep...bye bye susie." and i think he started crying. of course, this makes me feel like shit. so i drive around for another hour or so. and of course mixed in with this driving and thinking of how much i'm frustrating drew, i'm thinking of the one and only thing i think about most of the time. reed. i miss opening the store and having him come in the store at 1:30 or so instead of kristin or matt. i just miss his goofiness and his singing and talks of songwriting and philosophy. i don't have as much fun at the store anymore. sure, i still have fun. matt and i usually have a blast working together and me and kristin have a lot of fun too...but still...it's just not the same. i'll do something that will remind me of reed or i'll see his handwriting on something or kristin might even bring him up. i just want to be working with him again. i just miss him. and now i need to shut up. haha. i talk about him way too much, don't i. i apologize for my ramblings. but that's what these things are for, aren't they? blah. shoot me now. 2:40 am - Jan. 04, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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