unafraid's Diaryland Diary

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I don't know you, but I love you anyway

well the World of Susie is still holding up. a couple big changes in her life, but all for the good.

A few weeks ago I bought Bebo Norman's latest album Myself When I Am Real. wow. i love bebo norman and i love him even more now. his other album that i own Big Blue Sky is just wonderful. =) it's one of those albums that you can listen to a million times and never be sick of. so is his latest and greatest. anyway, so i've been thinking lately. "my life is going to pot, i hate being here, i'm not doing good for myself or anyone else, and i'm missing something in my life which is making me feel...incomplete." well, wouldn't you know it...i have figured it out. it's GOD. that's right, God. He controls everything and if you are living carelessly, it's all going to catch up to you. if you want to try and control your life and live the way you want, i'm just tellin' ya...it may not go the way you plan. God has control of everything in your life. He knows what's ahead for your life like looking at a map. I've tried to find something to fill that void where God used to be with alcohol, dating, being boy-crazy, and tobacco. and wouldn't you know it, none of these things have worked. i'm trying to focus now on God and letting him direct my life to where he wants it. (where ever that may be!)

People have told me that I have talent in the music I create and I'm thinking of directing that into something positive. I've heard it said that God gave each of us gifts and it's up to us to use them in the way he wants us to. I think maybe this is my gift and i should use it to witness to others. i could either a.)write music, tour across the world, earn money and respect or b.)write music, tour across the world, earn money and respect, and save millions of lives. i think i'll go with b. just thinking about accomplishing that makes me excited.

but first, i have to work on myself. how can the blind lead the blind, right? so, i'm reading my bible, asking questions, finding a church, and really trying to learn as much as i possibly can. i need this. i've said so many times that i would become a better Christian and then gave up a week later. i hate that. i'm such a bastard for doing that! i have got to learn self-discipline if it kills me. i owe Him that. I owe him more than that, but it's all i can muster up at the time being. after that, the sky's the limit.

if you have any words of wisdom or advice - anything - email me at [email protected]

Peace.

1:33 am - Apr. 10, 2003

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