unafraid's Diaryland Diary

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watching the distance fade away

dang! so about 2 hours later since my last entry, i've just read over half of my entire diary. and you know what i've discovered? i'm really pathetic. i'm a drama queen to the extreme, i don't think i've helped anyone out like i wished i could have, i have horrible luck with boys (and people in general), and all i really want in life is to be loved and comforted by the opposite sex. i've had many-a-crushes in my day and none of them have benefited me in any way, shape, or form. i've just become overly obsessed.

but now that i've got scott, i feel different. i feel like half of an old married couple sometimes. =) sort of. me and him get along so well sometimes, it's scary. like we can just be happy doing nothing as long as we are in the company of one another. at least that's how i feel. i just wish he'd be more romantic or passionate or something. not that he's not romantic now, b/c he can be at times. and being passionate comes when we are getting "passionate" with each other, if you know what i mean. although, sometimes that really isn't a good thing. i want to be passionate for each other without that so much, you know?

tonight i went to peter and vic's apartment and vic played for me the cd he made of all the songs that are going to be played at their wedding. he's frickin' in love with ashley. head over heels - in LOVE. and i envy them both. scott and i are in love, yes, but we've still got our complications and "discussions". but even though ashley and vic's relationship seems to be perfect, i bet it's not. and i can't compare me and scott's relationship off of theirs, you know? that's just not fair to scott at all. each relationship is different b/c each person is different. scott shows me he loves me in different ways. and i do love him. i want to spend all my time with him, although i think i might be crowding him too much. i still see him everyday, but i still can't seem to get enough of him. i need to open up more to him, though. i may end up crying in front of him sometimes, but when i open my mouth to tell him why i'm crying, the words just won't come out! i dunno. i really like discussing things with him though, ya know? we work things out and get to know each other a little better. i'm still trying to break down my little wall that i've built around myself to protect me. i built it a long time ago when jiten broke my heart, and i think slowly but surely - scott is putting it back together for me.

3:37 am - Apr. 10, 2003

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