unafraid's Diaryland Diary

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i'm here for you no matter what.

so i have not talked to lindsay since the party a couple weeks ago and it's easier than i thought it would be. still, i do kinda hate the fact that this is going on. 10 years down the drain for this. i can't say that i don't care about lindsay because in all honesty, i do care. i've put effort into 10 years of friendship with her and we've both been through a lot together. i just think she needs to grow up a little. still, i could say the same thing about myself. i honestly don't want to grow up. i want to stay with my parents and work 20-30 hours a week and hang out at scott's everyday. but i can't. i have to grow up and face reality. but i have to do it emotionally too. i guess you can't be friends with everyone for the rest of your life. it's supposed to be "boyfriends come and go, friends are forever", but i guess not in this case, sadly. i really do feel bad about what happened at my party with her and i don't at the same time. i do not regret trying weed because it's just something that i can say i have done. and i don't plan on trying it ever again. it's just an experience to add to my life. i do wish that i had of handled the lindsay thing better though. i wish i could have reasoned with her and not let it escalate to the big blow-up we had. i had never felt so hurt like that with her than i had before. but i hope that if she ever reads this she'll understand where i'm coming from. i hope life goes on as she plans and she knows that if she ever needs me...i'll be here for her.

11:53 am - May. 21, 2003

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