unafraid's Diaryland Diary

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don't question my intentions...

ok. so the big birthday bash was fun, but disasterous. i got extremely drunk (we all went through $120 worth of alcohol in one night) and so did everyone else. scott had to go on his stupid paper route at midnight so that sucked. i really wanted him to stay with me. so i was left with some friends and a bunch of really hot (very tempting) guys. i flirted. i shouldn't have, but i did. anyway, a lot of scott's (and mine) friends were pissed at me saying stuff like "scott's my friend..blah blah blah" when i didn't really didn't do anything wrong. now, if you consider flirting as cheating, then i guess i did. did i want anything to go beyond that with these guys? hell no. i love scott. anyway, just like high school, there were people saying all sorts of shit about me and what not. i even heard a rumor that i made out with some guy or something. so, needless to say people got a hold of scott and started talking about these "horrible things" i had been doing behind his back. i got upset when i found out and the night went downhill from there. scott got home and was pissed off at me and in the morning i had to explain to him exactly what went on while he was gone and convince him that i didn't do anything wrong. some of his friends are still pissed off at me as far as i know but i really don't give a shit. fuck 'em. moving on...

jiten (ex-boy) is back home for the summer. i'm so glad. i hadn't seen him in like 3 years or so and we used to be best friends. anyway, so he's home now and we've been hanging out a lot lately. it's like being around him is like being wrapped up in a warm blanket, ya know? it's hard to explain, but it's such a comfort. plus, i think he might be my soulmate. in a friend way. i think 2 girls can be soulmates, and maybe even 2 guys. your soulmate may not be the person you marry, but it's someone you connect with, someone you can pour your heart out to, and when you're in the same room - there's no where else in the world that you need to be at that time. i love jiten as a friend and i will always be there for him when he needs me. however, for right now, scott is the person i am in love with. the person i want to cuddle up with at night and the person i want to make love to. make sense? ok.

anyway, it's 1:11 am and now that i've spilled my guts i'm going to sleep until work tomorrow morning. nighty night.

1:00 am - May. 22, 2004

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