unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Home sick Still stuck at home. Sick. Well, getting better. Hopefully I will get to go home today. Back to my own bed. My own couch. My 2 cats. And my guitar! At least I have the internet here, but I just really miss the place I call home now. I used to call this place home and it started to feel like it these last few days, but I don't even have my car here. I've been out with the rest of society once when I went to the doctor's office. I'll go home today and probably lounge around my own home, but it'll just have a different feel than when I have to do it here. So, I've been on Myspace a lot lately. It's amazing who you can find on there. People I used to go to school with, people I worked with, and people I met over the internet and became friends with. People I haven't talked to in years. I wonder if they even remember me. I wonder if I am a memorable person or not. Wouldn't it be tragic to find out that I am easily forgettable? How damn depressing. Can't stop thinking about Brian today. The last time I saw him on Friday. The way he acted towards me. The sweet things he said, but maybe didn't even mean because he was intoxicated. But still, people use being drunk as an excuse to get away with what they want. When I am drunk, I know exactly what I am doing. It may not be very safe or smart, but I do it because I have my liquid courage. I just miss him all the time. And now that he works so much, I won't get to see him as much as I'm used to. To go from talking to him or seeing him every single day to like...once a week or even less is totally different. And the only number I have for him is at work. I can't call up there and get him in trouble. I just want to know that he still thinks about me and misses me too. He tells me that he does and I believe that he is being genuine, but sometimes I just wonder. I miss his kisses and his touch. I miss sleeping next to him and feeling so safe. And I miss hearing him tell me such vivid stories about his childhood. I've never heard stories told the way he tells them before. When I think about marriage it scares me to think "that's the one person I will be going to bed with, waking up next to, eating dinner with, watching tv with...for the rest..of..my..life." That can be kinda frightening. But I've spent so much time with Brian. I could do those things with him and be satisfied. I could spend the rest of my life with him. 3:38 pm - Jun. 20, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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