unafraid's Diaryland Diary

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...and my hope is feeling worn...

it's later than i stayed up last night. i never want to go to sleep though. i know that when i wake up in the morning i will have to face another day. what for? i am too afraid to commit suicide, but i am getting so bored of this life. not necissarily bored, just worn down. i don't feel like anyone knows what i'm going through. i feel so alone and i just want someone to tell me that it's okay. for all the mistakes i've made in my life. the people close to me that i have somehow pushed away. for the people that have pushed me away. for that one person that ended it all because he was afraid. and now i'm afraid that i won't be able to push him away when i know that i should. all of my friends are telling me to let him go. to stop talking to him and not let him use me like he is now. but i don't want to believe that he could do that to me. maybe i should open my eyes. maybe he's just not meant to fit in my life anymore...or maybe i can't fit into his. i had never been in love so deeply before than when we were in love. i had never felt such strong love in return before. but it's over and done. he's over me, it's time for me to get over him.

listen to me rambling about this. how pathetic am i? my brain knows it's time to move on for good, but my heart just won't listen.

4:15 am - Jul. 18, 2006

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