unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- with or without you....usually without Things have changed quite a bit since my last entry. Much like a roller coaster. Brandon did end up telling me that we should stop seeing each other the morning after a huge drunken fight we had in which I just ended up confessing my love for him. So he ran. I was quite heartbroken but it didn't deter me much. And so I backed away, gave him all the space he needed and more, and waited for him to get his head cleared. Which he did. A month later, we got back together and were happier then ever. We're still happy, its just a lot of work, I should say. I'm trying so hard to be patient and enjoy the little time that we do get to spend together, but the selfish, spoiled little girl inside me is crying for more attention. I work days, he works nights. Long nights. He has a roommate that doesn't want me staying there when he's home because he wants to be able to relax in his own home. As if I'm going to be having band rehearsal in his living room while he's watching Game of Thrones or something. I just want to be able to see my boyfriend. But it isn't Brandons house so he doesn't have much of a say when his girlfriend is allowed to come over or whatever. It's just weird. And I feel like brandons best friend is putting restrictions on our relationship as if he were a part of it too. But brandon doesn't see it that way. He gets mad at me when I show any sort of frustration towards this and reminds me that its his best friends house, and he is doing him a favor by putting a roof over his head. His house, his lame rules. And he can't stay with me because I have a bug situation at my apartment. Let's just say I had to throw out my bed, and will probably have to do the same with my couch soon. The only place I have left to sleep. Stress beyond belief. I would move out and break my lease tomorrow if it didn't cost me an arm and a leg. So I'm stuck. He can't stay here, but I can't stay there moat of the time. And by the time we finally get a day off together it will have been 3 weeks since our last one. And my mom will be in town. And we have to stay in a hotel. Its hard. And its affecting me more than I would like to admit. I have never been good at hiding my emotions. It's always written on my face for everyone to see. This is also why I'm such a horrible liar. So when something upsets me or disappionts me, I can't play cool. And usually I end up upsetting the other person who is bearing the bad news. And a fight has begun. Is it my fault that I'm not happy with my situation? We got to spend a total of 5 hours together last night and this morning before he had to go to work this morning. And I won't see him again until next weekend. Is it selfish of me to want his roommate to work out his issues with his own girlfriend just so that he'll stay at her house more often so that I can see my own boyfriend? Probably. Anyway, this entry is way longer than it should be, but I had a lot to get off my chest. I'm determined to get us back to that happy place, but since we're both so stressed out, all we do lately is fight. Ugh. I have to just be patient I guess... 10:46 pm - Mar. 25, 2012 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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