unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Free Well, here we are again. It seems I have come full circle. Brandon and I broke up yet again, and I'm sad to say its for good this time. We always said this had to be the last round. Of course, I always hoped he would be my last everything, you know? I don't think I've ever fought this hard to make a relationship work before. I've never wanted it to work more with a boyfriend than I did with Brandon. I know we had something very special. He was my best friend. And I am so afraid to let him go. Terrified. But the other half of me is trying to tell me I did the right thing. He wants his career, not me. He never hid the fact that his career came first. He told me to my face, and I looked him in the eyes, lied, and told him that was okay. But the truth is, it just wasn't enough. I always put him first. For the past eight months, I gave him all I could. Because he was my main priority. But it was clear that I wasn't his. How could I be so stupid? I know he loves me the way that I still love him, but I feel like a such a stupid, weak, blind girl to sit by his side, putting him first, while he knowingly put his job before me. But I loved him. I still love him. And I don't know how to get him out of my head and my heart. I know it will just take time, but I'm impatient. But I have to remember why I brought the topic up with him. He was the one who suggested breaking up first, but I brought the whole thing to the surface. Giving him an easy out. He was just waiting for me to bring up the fact I wasn't happy with our arrangement so he could quickly jump ship without the guilt. Whatever. Someday my prince will come. I hope. Until then guess i'll just try and move on. Easier said than done, but I know in my heart, it will be done. He's not the first guy I've had to get over before. 11:49 pm - Nov. 12, 2012 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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