unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oh, you miss me, do you? Well, I had an interesting day. Ran into Brandon at work. And I was a great little actress, I must say! The old me would have gotten emotional and probably started crying in front of him, blubbering on about how much I miss him. The new, improved me put on the biggest smile and told him I was doing okay. We chatted about his new car and work and what has been going on with me, and I never cracked. Doris even came by in the middle of the convo just to tell me how great I looked. Couldn't have been better timing. He told me that he was lonely and I said I did miss him and he said he missed me too. But somehow he seemed lonely, while I played it cool and confident. How I managed this, I have no clue. I feel guilty saying it, but somehow, him telling me how he was lonely made me feel better. I thought I was the only one feeling this way, but its nice to know I'm not. He seemed like he wanted to suggest hanging out, but knew better. I wanted him to suggest hanging out. But I know somewhere deep inside I shouldn't be getting my hopes up. Expect less and be pleasantly surprised when you get more. I want it to drive him crazy thinking I'm doing just fine without him and that maybe he made a mistake. I want him to cave in and call me up and say let's try again. Because I still love him. How could I not still love Brandon? It's only been a month and broken hearts take longer to heal. I'm weak for him and if he wanted to get back together and make it work, I would. I know we had valid reasons for splitting, but part of me still wants to make this work. It's like this unexplainable force that's always drawn us to each other. Maybe if I go on some dates I'll see that he's not my only option. My feelings after our talk really surprised me though. I had been dreading the day we'd run into each other and have to talk, but I left with a huge stupid grin on my face. Not what I expected. I guess its because I know this is actually just as hard on him as it is on me. I always assumed the worse, that he didn't give shit. But this doesn't change much. He still wants his career, I still want to start a family. In my mind those things can still work. In his, they don't. But how does he expect to work his ass off for the rest of his life alone when he's only been away from me for a month and he's already lonely? Guess that's normal after a breakup. He'll get back into the swing of things soon or later. Living like a bachelor. He's good at that. I just hope he wakes up one day and realizes I could be the one for him. I still think he is for me. Who knows. Maybe he'll cave. Maybe it'll just be too hard without me. Or maybe I'll find a new guy who wants to pur me first soon. I so badly want it to be him. Am I wasting my heart on him or could he come around? Time will tell I guess. I hate waiting. 12:36 am - Nov. 22, 2012 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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