unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Together We Fall Apart It's been a while since I've written in here. I always seem to come here when I'm confused or sad. This time I'm confused. Me and B have been back together for about 4 months now. We're not fighting like we used to, but the lack of sex is still there. I feel like an awful girlfriend for saying this, but I am just never wanting to with him. We just have this routine that is getting old and boring. And I hate hate hate saying that, but it's true. I can only get off if I'm on top and he only gets off behind me. So you can see how the sex is never spontaneous. And I've just lost interest in this. Now I've started a new job and I work with this guy I've known for about 5 yrs or so previously. He's adorable. Funny, smart, flirty, so cute. And I've always had a crush on him. Even before I met B. And now these feelings are starting to grow. We flirt nonstop. But he makes me laugh. And I find myself picturing him naked. Haha. And I feel like I'm lying to my boyfriend. It's awful. So now I'm torn. Me and B were supposed to move in together in about 4 months, but it just doesn't feel right. I love him, I do. I just don't think I'm in love with him anymore. If I was I wouldn't be having all these feelings for the other guy. But I don't want to hurt him. I care about him too much. I know he loves me and puts up with all my shit like no one else would. He takes care of me and spoils me rotten. So I don't know what to do. I always have told myself not to date anyone I work with either. I don't want it to go badly and then us have to see each other all the time and be miserable. Because we would be. But I can't stop thinking about him. I think I just need to sit on this for a while. We haven't hung out yet outside of work yet although I want to. I'm not going to cheat on B. I'm not that kind of girl anymore. I respect him too much. But I need to figure out what I want. Soon. Can I still be with B and work with this other piece of eye candy without it getting in the way? I can't put B on hold to test out the waters with this other guy either. But I can't get rid of these feelings for him. Ugh. I don't know what to do!!! 12:10 am - Nov. 01, 2013 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||