unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- you're the freak of the week i wanted to start a new diary entry, but i can't think of anything to say. well, i know one thing i could get off my chest. prom. the person i want to go with has a date. but she has a boyfriend or some crap like that. he asked all the girls at his work. he offered them money to go with him. he knows that i would go with him for free. why didn't he ask? i just want to go as friends. he cracks me up and i know we'd have a blast. so why didn't he ask me? =( but this girl he's taking already has a boyfriend and she feels a little wierd about it. i have a "back up" date for prom right now. my ex. we made a deal that if either one of us didn't have a date by spring break then we'd go together. but it would be ackward. so i don't know. i wanted to go with my other friend. apparently, he doesn't want to go with me. fuck prom. i don't want to go with anyone else. it wouldn't be the same. and of course i'll see him there with his date. it's just so frustrating. no one has asked me. i haven't asked anyone either. i just don't know if i want to go anymore. why go if i'm not with the one i want to be with? BLAH. =( i think john is weird. well, we all know this. it's just that he has the strangest way of dealing with people. maybe it's not even his way. he's really not the easiest guy to understand. he's a complicated son of a bitch. even the most brilliant scientist couldn't figure his motives out. if he has any. people just get confused by him and i know he doesn't mean to do that, he just does. it's not completely his fault. it's just the way it is...it'd be nicer if he just wasn't so damn confusing. ugh. i wonder about how we're connected a lot. friendship, band/fanship, promotional purposes...? i don't think i'll ever truly know. john's just not one of those people who opens up. not at all. which just complicates the situation. and he'll say "we're friends. honestly." or something like that, but i'll always wonder. IS he being honest? john does seem to be the caring type, though. he seems to be really appreciative of the fans. but we all want more than a fan relationship with him. sometimes it's like he's almost too good to be true. anyway, i don't really want to talk about it right now. john's confusing, that's all there is to it. you just learn to accept it and try to read between the lines. 12.14 am - March 14, 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||