unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- it's 3 am and i must be lonely at night, i can be so open. why is this? does it have something to do with brain chemicals or something? who knows. i get so emotional and i do my best (most honest) writing in the middle of the night. this is a good thing, right? i was reading Murder's diary again today. he listed me as a favorite diary and said "Clear and pure. could be me if i ever grow up." i don't really know what to say to that. i'm the biggest child out of anyone i know. i'm confused as hell and i still don't know where my life is headed and what i have to offer. i feel like i'm going to college blindfolded. sometimes, i can feel so worthless. but it's comments like these that just jump out and suprise me. it still suprises me that strangers read my diary sometimes. i guess you could say i get self concious about my writing. but i know i shouldn't. it's my thoughts. no one should censor their thoughts in any way. but these are posted to the public so i guess it's a different situation. it's just that murder is unlike anyone i know. and if i knew someone like him near me, i would be amazed. he writes so beautifully (for lack of a more precise word) and i never knew people like him existed. i just wish i could talk to him or something. i love deep conversations and he seems to be the type that may love them as well. i'll never get bored with his entries. mike and me are fixed i think. we went through a period where we would say very little to each other. but tonight we seem to have clicked with each other once again and i'm reminded of the way i felt when we first found each other. granted, it is an online relationship...and i hate that. i will always wonder if everything is true. you know, you hear about those stories about the 40 year old pervs who pose as 21 year old, sweet guys. and screw over little innocent gullible girls. i don't want to be in that situation. i haven't told anyone this yet, because i've felt guilty about thinking it. i think this is all because of my lack of trust when it comes to certain things. and the internet can be so decieving. although, i have met some of my closest friends online. i'm sure they know who they are...=) anyway, i just need to discuss these thoughts with someone and get their perspective... 3:44 am - March 28, 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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