unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- loooong entry so it's about 12 am here. i'm sort of tired. but i don't want to sleep. sleep is boring. being an insomniac is much more interesting. i always seem to write the best stuff in the middle of the night. yup. if i want to be able to get my ass out of bed in the morning, i should probably go to bed really soon... hmmm.. so this weekend with lauren was a blast. we went walking and we stayed out really late saturday and we cruised around in my car and went prom dress looking...it was great. we have so much fun together. we went to a park at like midnight and got scared to death because it was like out in the woods and very creepy and there were bunnies in the trees, but they would run around and make lots of noise and we couldn't ever see them, so we RAN back to the car and drove off. it was so funny. we always have adventures when we're together. we went to the elementary playground and the stupid 'neighborhood patrol' drove up so we left. then they called us into the cops so like 5 minutes later, i got pulled over. for the first time, mind you. lauren's like "it's okay. you didn't do anything wrong, don't be scared." =) and we went to the track at the middle school and walked and talked for a while until some other kids showed up and we left. but all in all, it was fun. then today we just went to the mall and stuff. and out walking at the park. there was a bridge there and it rained so much today that the bridge had flooded completely. but we crossed it anyway. it was pretty funny. the water was freezing and i thought i was going to get washed away in the current, but i didn't. then as we were heading back to the car i just started thinking about stuff and i got really bummed. i almost started crying. i wanted to, but i didn't. and i don't know what's wrong. it seems like i find myself just crying like 2-3 times a week now...seriously. sometimes i have a good reason and sometimes i just don't. and i can't really talk about it with anyone because i don't really know what to say. "what's wrong?" they ask. "i don't know" i say. and that's usually the truth. either that, or i just don't want to talk. i can talk about a lot of stuff and open up, but not that much when i'm totally depressed. who knows what the fuck is wrong with me. lauren's mom thinks i'm "not all there". haha i don't blame her either. i'm never getting accepted to a college. TCC probably but that's only because it's a community college and they'll take just about anyone. blah. oh well. whatever. anyway, i think i'm going to bed soon. i should. i have school tomorrow...and lauren's leaving my house when i'm at school. i don't really want her to. i know i don't. but i guess she has to...lol. if only she could live with me...and i SO want to move into an apartment with her, but i'm starting to worry that it's not going to happen anymore. she's already making plans to move in with some friends. so where does that leave me?! i've always wanted to move into an apartment with her. that'd be awesome. and lindsay is all "man, we're going to have so much fun if we move in together!" and i'm all "who says we're moving in together?" i don't know. i just really know that me and lauren would have a blast. hope it works out. we'll see... i'm just chatting with tabin. we are a lot alike. we're both emotional goobers. haha. no really, i love tabin to death and she's great to talk to. if i have emotional problems, i go to tabin. and i hope that she will come to me whenever she needs to. i worry about her a lot. but i know that she's going through what we like to call "life" and it'll work itself out like it's supposed to. while life is doing that though, i'm here to help her through it. as long as she'll let me. =) john = stress. what the hell. 12.10 am - March 12, 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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