unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i need you here. Song of the day: "To See You Again" Kara Langer (check this girl out! she's awesome!! =) i talked to my mom on the phone today. she's coming down to see me tomorrow and i told her that i'd be packing and washing clothes all day. she got mad at me. then i had to go to work, so we sort of ended it on a bad note. then i called her when i got home from work to talk about it. my manager asked me to come in tomorrow from 1 to 4 so that my co-worker won't be at the store all day by himself, so i said ok. of course, i had to tell my mom and of course, she wasn't happy with me. "you don't know how much i need to see you right now." i apologized a few times and didn't know what to say after that. i miss her too, but to be completely honest...it's not as hard as i thought it would be. don't get me wrong here - i love my mom so much, but it's like she's not around to nag me anymore. now i feel super guilty for thinking stuff like this. i do miss her a lot...just not all the time. then she tells me "you said you'd make plans to come visit me and i know you won't." this upsets me. just shows how much faith she has in me and how much of an ass i am. so we make plans for her to come here at 10:30 am tomorrow and then i'll take her up to Grapvine Mills Mall where she'll go meet Steve and go home. some visit, huh. she was really mad and annoyed at me, i could tell. i hate it that i've done this to her. i don't know what else i can do though...i'm an ass. and i'm still wondering when the next time i can spend some time with jiten will be before i go off to seattle. hopefully thursday or even possibly wednesday. i really need to see him before i leave. when i come back, he'll be on his church camp for another week. then, he'll have tons of people staying at his house until he leaves for Texas Tech. so we really don't have much time together left. i'm still concerned about making this long-distance relationship work, but i'm determined. i have to make this work because i want it so bad. and i'll still go visit him when i can and hopefully he'll come down here every now and then too. but i'm glad i've convinced him we can make it work. and i think we can. i'm ready to do this. it'll be hard, but i'll be as strong as i can.... anyway, more later. 11:35 p.m. - July 17, 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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