unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- livin' on faithless street... well, right now i'm talking to tabin on the phone. what a trip. she's hilarious when she's hyper. (tabin is a mann. haha, you know i heart you, tabs!) anyway, i don't know if i did the right thing with reed today. well, i'll tell you what i did before i start telling you why i'm worried. remember how reed wrote me that note about thanking me for doing a good job at work and stuff in my entry before this? well i had wanted to write him a note earlier...i just didn't know if he'd think i was a freak or not. so after he wrote me one, i figured it was okay for me to write him one. so today at work, we talked so much. going back to the whole idea that the world is just dust. in about 100 years from now, we won't be here. sure, certain bands, trends, etc are popular right now, but will they be remembered at all in 100 years? no. we are just here to progress and advance and prepare for our life after death. (if you are of the Christian belief) anyway, people around us are at war, cheating on spouse's, getting promotions at work at other's expenses, etc...but this is all pointless. where does it get us? all of the negative things we do in life are meaningless so why bother? but the positive things on the other hand...these can be considered the "fruits of the spirit". and in life after death, we will be "credited" for these things. it's these things that really matter. helping someone in need, showing love and understanding, etc. it's these things that DO mean something. anyway...back to the main story. i told reed at first that i didn't really understand how if the bad things were pointless, what about the positive things? why do they matter? if everything we do will eventually be forgotten. we can't take anything with us to heaven so why does any of it matter? anyway, he could tell that i was getting really discouraged so he explained the fruits of the spirit to me and everything for like an hour. i was supposed to get off work at 5 but i didn't even leave until like 6:20 or so. =) i listened and soaked up every bit of information given to me. then lindsay called me on my cell phone and i went down to her store. reed was like "now you're going to spend the rest of the day at her store and close with her, aren't you?" i said i didn't think so, but it turned out that i did. =) so anyway, before i left the store, i told reed that i was planning on doing a lot of writing tonight and he was like "good!" and encouraged me to explore all the different ideas. so i went down to lindsay's store and stuff and got the idea to write reed. it was something along the lines of "thank you for everything you've taught me whether you know it or not. no one else i know actually thinks about stuff like you do and for you to share it with me, really means a lot to me. like i don't know of anyone else i could learn about these certain topics with and so i appreciate and soak up every bit of information that you share with me. i don't know of anyone else i could actually have those types of analytical conversations with. you're basically like my mentor and i totally appreciate everything. PLUS, you've taught me so much in life AND on the job. like before you came, i was doing bad in [this certain topic], but now, i know it's what i'm best at and i know it's because of the good training i've had. so thank you. love, susie" so yeah, it was somewhere around there. it was long, but i'm not sure if it was that long. lol. but hopefully i got my point across. driving home tonight, i realized that i didn't even get to say all that i had wanted to. i remembered some other stuff later on. anyway, after i wrote this letter and completed it (for like the 5th time), i folded it up and talked to lindsay about when i should give it to him. we stopped talking because she got on the phone with her boy-toy and i went and sat in a chair by the gate of her store. right after that, i just looked down at the letter and started to think about when i could give it to him. then all of a sudden i hear "reed-dog!!" from lindsay! he had walked up right behind me and was like "see, i told you that you'd be down here!" it was really wierd. so i just handed him the note right then. he's like "is this to make fun of me for mine that i gave you?" and i was like no. so he took it and went off to do something else. then 10 minutes later, he shows up again and starts teasing lindsay and knocking stuff over in her store for her to have to pick up and we joke around a little bit and then he leaves. i don't know if he read the note when he got back to the store or when he got home or what...so i'm kinda worried. i mean, i basically told him i looked up to him as my "mentor". i don't know what he'll think. and i won't get to talk to him until friday. i was supposed to work with him for like 5 hours, but matt wanted some more hours so he took some of mine. so now i come in at 5 and reed leaves at 6. kinda sucks. but we'll see if he brings anything up with me about it. i just wanted him to know that he really has made a huge impact on my life. definately. i just hope he doesn't think i have a crush on him or something... ...and whether i do or not is not the point, right? 2:54 am - Dec. 12, 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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