unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKKKK it's over. me and ricky. well, that was short, huh? tonight he called me and we chatted and i was at dinner so he said for me to call him back later. so i did. we chit chat for a while and then he says he needs to discuss something personal with me. my stomach dropped. i already knew what he was going to say before he even said it. he told me how he's not ready for all this right now because he needs to figure out his own shit and everything and how he just got out of a big relationship that lasted like 3 years and so he just doesn't want to bring anyone into anything serious with him right now because it wouldn't be fair. but he makes sure to that i know it has nothing to do with me. he still thinks i'm a cute girl blah blah blah, he's just not ready for anything right now. he still wants us to be friends and hang out and what-not, but he can't handle anything more than that right now. so of course - i'm crushed. how many fucking times has this happened to me lately? one too many. why do i keep doing this to myself?! i swear to god i must be fucked in the head. i'm done. i know i've said this a million times, but i have to do it this time for real. no more boys. no boys, no tears. that's the way it has to be. it may not nessicarily have anything to do with them (well a lot does) but i guess it obviously has a lot to do with me. and it breaks my heart. i don't know what else to do but end it all. i can't keep setting myself up for the fall. i get my hopes up only for them to be crushed. every single fucking time. fuck it all. i can't handle anymore. i don't need a boy. fuck boys. i'm not turning lesbian or anything, that's for sure. i'm just saying, no dating, no nothing. no more. i'm sick of all this shit and i sure as hell don't need it. i don't know what i did wrong to deserve all of this, but it's all going to end right now. 11:24 pm - Feb. 11, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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