unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- who cares? i don't. so, my big birthday bash came and went on saturday night. it was fun and a disaster all at the same time. i got drunk off my ass and did pot for the first time. i don't really regret it, but i don't think i'll do it again. i just don't really get it. i can live without it. lots of people showed up and unfortunately, people i wanted to show up, didn't. lots of my close friends were there too. except trista, i really wanted her to be there, but she got lost and she tried to call me, but my cell phone died. lindsay showed up...and then came the disasterous part. i told her over the phone on her way over that i had tried pot. she didn't seem to care that much at the time, but once she got to the party, it was a differnt story. she ignored me and looked at me as if i had a horrible disease or something. i asked her if she was mad at me or something and she said that she was for what i had done. i said i was just 'experimenting' and i really didn't see the big deal. and she was just like "fine, yeah if you just want to hang out with all your other friends that do that kind of stuff...whatever." i always feel like i'm still in high school with lindsay. so i tried to reason with her and tell her it was like i had just killed someone or something. one joint. big deal. it doesn't make me a pot-head. but she continued with her little attitude and said "why do you think i don't want to hang out with you anymore? why do you think trista didn't come tonight? and why do you think we don't want to be your friend anymore??" i just looked at her and stared in disbeleif at the things that were pouring out of her hypocritical mouth. i told her that i couldn't believe she was saying stuff like that. it hurt me that she wouldn't want to be my friend just because of something stupid like that, but the fact that she dragged trista into it sucked even more. i actually care 10 times more what trista thinks about me than what lindsay does. she has done worse things than i have and she knows it. i have a list of things i could tell jason about her. things that would kill him to find out. that's why i couldn't ever tell him. i care about his feelings more than i do lindsay's. mostly because i don't think lindsay possess any. i wonder if she even has a heart in that chest of hers or if it's just a big empty hole. if she does have one, i think it froze into ice many years ago. it doesn't matter. i'm tired of being on an emotional roller coaster with her. you have to be perfect for her. flawless. if you're not, you can't be her friend. i make mistakes, therefore, i'm going to do what i want. it's over for good this time. 3:36 pm - May. 14, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||