unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Of Liars and Assholes... what am i doing? should my family really be worried about me? i wanted to go to the bar tonight with erica for just one or two drinks after work and when she turned me down, i was so sad because i really didn't want to go by myself....so i fidgeted and went to a gas station to get some alcohol anyway. and now i have drank too much. and i am alone. do i have a problem? don't most alcoholics deny that they are even close to having a problem? i am confused. i don't know what i want. or who i want to be? i just want to escape. and now i just want to lie next to someone who loves me. who will tell me that everything is going to be fine. i don't know if it will ever be brian again. i don't know if i will ever hear from him again? how can he do this to me? leave me like this for 2 whole months after i have given him so much?? i hate men. they are all liars and assholes. but i don't want to believe that i am the way i am because of him. i don't want him to have that much control over me, but i am afraid that it's too late. i think of him every single day. and i miss him. i just want someone to replace him. someone that will treat me better than him. someone that will love me more than he ever did. if i felt the most love i have ever felt with him, then i want to feel the most love i have ever felt in my whole life with someone new. i can't escape his memory and that is all i want to do. he's killing me little by little. see what happens when i'm drunk? i ramble on about stupid shit and stupid people for a long time. do i really have a drinking problem or am i just looking for attention? i just want everyone to leave me alone and stop talking about what a disappointment i am....behind my back. i feel like such a let down. i don't know what to do anymore. it used to be so much fun and now it has gotten out of hand. and i want that one person to come and save me. that one person who i thought really loved me. guess he's proven himself to be a liar. 1:58 am - Aug. 08, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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