unafraid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now what? Now I really don't know what to do. We'll call him R. Well, since finding out that R has gotten a girl knocked up (supposedly before he met me, which I actually kind of believe him) I've been so confused. We're not even an item. How am I sticking by his side after hearing he's going to be a father to a baby from some random girl?? I feel like I must be a total idiot, but I can't walk away from him. He's everything I've been looking for. He's the most attractive man I've ever dated, he's intellectual, funny as hell, sweet and genuine. I wanted this to work out so badly. Am I just being a stupid girl by sticking by his after he's told me this?? I don't want to believe so, but I don't know what to believe right now. I'm kinda leaving it in his hands right now though. He's finally telling his mom everything tomorrow. I'm hoping that she'll give him a little more insight than I can give him. I basically told him is still be here for him because I care about him. He's super grateful and says he really likes me a lot and doesn't want me to go either, but is it enough? Would you just casually date someone you knew had a baby on the way? Hasn't my loyalty and commitment I'm offering to him earn me a little more commitment than he's giving me? If my parents knew, they would tell me to run like hell. Which is why I can't tell them. Haha. He's lucky I'm still here. I told him when he first told me my initial reaction was to walk away, but I just can't. There's something about him that makes me want to stick by his side. Maybe it's my stupidity and desperation to make a relationship work, but I like him too much to let him go. Surely he'll see that and realize I'm a keeper haha. He really does seem to value his mothers opinion a lot though so we'll see what she has to say. If she's smart she'll tell him to hold on to me since, even after learning this about him, I'm not running. Shouldn't that tell him something? But it's not up to me right now. He's got a lot to handle and only he knows what he needs right now. If I'm not in the plans then I'll let him go and move on to someone who's not expecting a child with another woman. See, even when I say it like that I almost feel naive and stupid for staying. What am I doing. This is not what I pictured for my life. Am I just holding onto something I shouldn't be? I wish I knew the right thing to do, but he's got me wrapped around his finger and I can't help but want to be with him still. I just can't say goodbye to something so perfect for me. Minus the drama, of course! I wish I knew what to do. 1:14 am - Jul. 09, 2014 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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